Obituary of Mary E. McNeil

On September 30 th , 2024, Mary McNeil of Cortland, N.Y. passed away, surrounded by the family she cherished. Many who are diagnosed with cancer think of their struggle as a battle. It may be more accurate to say that, in Mary’s case, it was a journey that she confronted with tenacity, just as she would ride her bike over the steepest hills around the countryside of Cortland County. Over the last four years, Mary McNeil has travelled this hard road with grace and courage, sustained by faith, finding along the way lasting moments of love, friendship, and beauty. Mary Elizabeth McNeil was born on January 14, 1962, the fifth child of Daniel and Rose McNeil. In the raucous world of the McNeil household, Mary became the diplomat of the family, able to keep the peace on the playground or at the kitchen table. This ability to listen, to compromise, and to negotiate would serve her well in her adult life as an executive, when the stakes were a bit higher than who’s next up to bat. In what seemed like a great adventure at the time, Mary chose to attend York College of Pennsylvania, “far away” from her Cortland roots. She majored in marketing and competed on the swim team, graduating with honors in 1984. Mary eventually returned to Cortland where she joined the insurance firm of McNeil & Co., rising through the ranks to become President and Chief Operating Officer in 2019. Mary would spend her career at her brother Dan’s firm, solving problems, managing complexities, developing talent, and making sure that as the company flourished, so did the associates, the customers, and the community she served. In 2008 Mary earned a Master of Business Administration from Le Moyne College, and in 2022 she was honored by Le Moyne with the Frank Fernandez Business Leader of the Year award. Yet in as much as Mary was a success in the world of business, she was also something of a rarity, far more interested in doing the work and inspiring excellence than getting applause or grabbing a headline. Those values of integrity, generosity, humility, and hard work were lessons modeled by her parents, Dan and Rose. Those values were most evident in her commitment to the city and citizens of Cortland. Over the course of the past thirty-four years, Mary served on the boards of the United Way of Cortland, the National Volunteer Fire Council, and Racker Centers, which support people with developmental disabilities. She served first as Board President and then later as trustee of the Cortland County Family YMCA. And finally, Mary served on the Board of Regents at LeMoyne College. In the distinctive mission of each of these organizations, Mary found an opportunity to answer the needs of her community: to provide a place to gather and strengthen the body; to find help and guidance; to protect a vulnerable home or to find a home for the vulnerable. While Mary knew that life could sometimes be unfair, she believed in the power of community, family, and friendship to repair those hurts and address those inequities. Just as she paid attention to the details of running a company, Mary paid careful attention to the people she worked with, to her lifelong friends, even to the person she passed on the street. Mary knew the power behind the smallest expression of concern or the simplest gesture of connection. And so, kindness was a daily practice for Mary, both a pleasure and a discipline, like the laps she swam at the Cortland YMCA. From her time as a student at York College to just months before she passed, Mary was a dedicated athlete, becoming a triathlete as an adult. It was a fitting sport for Mary who loved to compete—not because she wanted to defeat an opponent, but because she wanted to challenge herself, to become the best she could be. Mary would often meet her father at the pool of the YMCA for a swim, no matter the weather or the state of their health. While there were mornings, particularly after her diagnosis, that Mary might have preferred to stay home, she knew that it made him happy to see her there—that’s the kind of daughter she was. They’d get in that cold water and swim their laps, demonstrating with each stroke that no matter what hardships came their way, life was a gift to be savored. Mary drew her strength from many sources, most especially her faith. Mary was a devout Catholic, who worked with characteristic discipline to strengthen and understand that faith. In 2017, Mary completed the Diocesan Formation for Ministry Program and was commissioned by Bishop Cunningham at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception in Syracuse. And she expressed her faith not only on Sunday or within the walls of the church. Mary found a loving God in all things and all people; she took to heart the golden rule of the gospel, to “do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” Perhaps the greatest expression of her faith was the generous, unconditional love she showed to her family, her friends, and those in need. Mary was a devoted and loving daughter, sister and aunt. In her home, they gathered on holidays, birthdays, for celebrations large and small. Nothing gave her more joy than her nieces and nephews. She welcomed them with her open heart and her easy laugh; she knew what to say when they were hurting, or troubled, and sometimes she knew when to say nothing at all. She would listen in quiet friendship and sympathy. Mary knew that the purpose of life was not to be simply or privately happy—she wasn’t chasing “likes” on social media or followers on Instagram; she agreed with writer Leo Rosten who wrote that “the purpose of life is to be useful, to be responsible, to be honorable, to be compassionate. It is above all, to matter.” While her friends and family mourn her loss, they will cherish the legacy of love and courage she’s left behind. Mary McNeil lived an honorable life, a compassionate life, a life that mattered. Mary is predeceased by her mother Rose (Valentine) McNeil and father Daniel McNeil. She is survived by her siblings Daniel (Danielle) McNeil III, Peter (Sherry Cobb) McNeil, Paul (Soterios Johnson) McNeil, Anne (Jeff Chambers) McNeil, and David (Christine) McNeil. She is also survived by nieces and nephews Lauren (Derek) Davis, Robert McNeil, William McNeil, Kevin McNeil, Rachel McNeil, Brent McNeil, and Daniel Chambers, and by great-nephews Marshall Davis and Alexander Davis. Memorial Donations may be made to Racker Center, St. Margarets Church of Homer, St. Mary’s School of Cortland, and Cortland Loaves & Fishes. Calling hours will be held on October 4, 2024 from 3pm to 7pm at St. Margaret’s Catholic Church, 14 Copeland Ave. Homer, NY. A mass of Christian burial will be celebrated at the same location on October 5, 2024 at 10:30am. Internment will follow at St. Mary’s Cemetery, Cortland, NY